


L

by rabiddog



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, Kageyama Tobio Angst, Kageyama Tobio Has An Eating disorder, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26636815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabiddog/pseuds/rabiddog
Summary: "Anorexic"Tobio didn't know when he'd gotten into the habit of observing what he ate each day and cutting it down, but it had happened, and at a pace even he wasn't able to catch up with.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Karasuno Volleyball Club
Comments: 10
Kudos: 255





	L

It was good to be thin. Good to be bordering on skeletal, right? It was something that all of the girls wanted to achieve and something that the boys declared to be the prettiest form. Skinny was pretty; anything else was absurd and far too wrong in society's eyes. 

"Anorexic" was a compliment thrown around between multiple groups. Only the thinnest were rewarded with boyfriends and friends and popularity. Anyone else, anyone different, was off the radar and deemed weird. Strange. Unlovable. 

It was the social norm to starve yourself, to skip a meal once a day, and then twice, all until it was a mere apple once a day, and you were bordering on collapsing. That was what society wanted you to idealize and look up to. 

Kageyama had never personally thought much of it. His weight wasn't something that he was too worried about. His fast metabolism helped him keep up an athletic build, but he wouldn't have been opposed to being chubbier than he was. There was nothing wrong with it. People were just people, no matter what they looked like. 

That had used to be his view, at least until he'd spiraled into the likes of disordered eating and calorie counters and obsessing over each and every meal to the point of a nervous breakdown. 

Tobio didn't know when he'd gotten into the habit of observing what he ate each day and cutting it down, but it had happened, and at a pace even he wasn't able to catch up with. After practice, three meat buns had turned to two, then one and a half, then one, until dwindling down to none. Zero. Nothing. 

Kageyama had never had anything other than a milk box for lunch unless Hinata or Yamaguchi offered him some of their food, but now he made sure to deny _everything._ A sandwich or some chicken had used to be wolfed down almost immediately and without hesitation, but now Tobio's mind was whirring with thoughts like; how many calories does it contain? Would he gain much weight from this? What would his teammates think if they saw how much he ate? 

The idea of Karasuno seeing Tobio eating at all made his stomach lurch and his head ache uncomfortably. The rational, clear part of his mind reminded him that they never had and never would care about what he might bring for lunch, but... 

Would they make fun of him? Poke at his rolls and accuse him of stuffing himself silly? Just the mere thought of being belittled like that had Kageyama's head spinning with unwanted ideas. He was terrified of being judged, something that he'd never really felt before. 

Kageyama had gone from a relatively passive, uncaring volleyball player to an obsessive, sickly member of society running on fumes. He honestly didn't know how much time he had left before shutting down completely.

* * *

"Hey, Bakageyama!" Hinata's voice invaded Tobio's thoughts like an onslaught of bullets through a thin sheet. 

Kageyama blinked. "Hm?" 

It'd been a month since Tobio's obsessive habits had begun to take over, and it was getting more transparent and more challenging to hide each day. Long-sleeved shirts and jackets hid his shivers and tremors caused by the lack of fat on his body for insulation; dark circles had been plastered down with concealer, and chapped lips were covered in layers of lip balm. 

Tobio had no way of hiding the protruding ribs and hip bones, however. He couldn't hide the scratchiness to his voice from hours spent throwing up, and he certainly couldn't hide the full-body flinches each time a team member offered him some food. 

He couldn't even bring himself to eat with them anymore, instead choosing to hide away in the bathrooms at lunch or jogging home immediately after practice. 

Happy moments spent with his team had turned into merciless jogging sessions and long periods of time hunched over an open toilet. 

"You're looking a little... sick. Do you need a break or something? No point in playing if you're not in top condition, dumbass! You should know that." Hinata grinned, currently unaware of the conflict running through Tobio's mind at that point. Although, while he didn't realize the turmoil that Tobio was in right then, he definitely had noticed Kageyama's rapidly declining health. 

It was pretty obvious when you looked closely at the younger setter, Hinata just didn't know how to bring it up without seeming invasive or scaring Kageyama off completely. 

Kageyama blinked somewhat, fish-mouthing for a moment before shaking his head. A part of him was screaming at him just to tell the ginger everything. For god's sake, this was Hinata, Kageyama's closest friend, and somebody that he was sure that Tobio could trust with anything at all. But then again... 

The doubt was settling hard over Kageyama's chest and forcing him to keep his lips locked tight. It almost felt as if an unbreakable muzzle had been placed over the secrets and pains that the raven-head was currently suffering through. 

_He'll hate you._ His mind whispered, cupping Kageyama's gaunt cheeks with gentle hands and phantom touches. _He'll tell everyone. They'll mock you. Kick you off the team._

Kageyama didn't want that. Volleyball was everything to him; a way to escape the monster currently tearing up the fabric of his crumbling mind and keep him preoccupied away from the thought of eating anything at all. If Tobio didn't have volleyball, then he didn't have anything left. He would have absolutely nothing there to keep him going. He couldn't let them kick him off; he needed to be strong. 

"I'm fine." He responded slowly, desperately fighting at the urge to cough and instead covered it with a heavy wince. 

Kageyama had to be fine. There was no other option for him at this point. 

Hinata tilted his head slightly at the response, his fingers gripping onto the volleyball he had been clutching onto. He didn't believe Kageyama, not one bit. It was self-evident that something was wrong, and Hinata was done with just shrugging it off. It wasn't fair on anyone anymore, especially not Kageyama. 

Shouyou wasn't about to sit around while his best friend practically killed himself in front of them. 

"Okay." He finally responded, the humor that had previously laced his tone had been replaced by something sad, something tired, but Kageyama didn't seem to take notice. 

After a moment, the setter nodded, standing with a shudder that was played off as a mere stretch. "I'm going to the bathroom, outta' my way, dumbass." He grumbled, putting up another, cold mask as he brushed past the ginger and headed off towards the club bathrooms. Kageyama wasn't sure if Hinata suspected that something was up, but he didn't want to stick around and be a part of that now awkward conversation any longer. 

Hinata watched him go with a sad smile on his face. He hoped that Kageyama wouldn't hate him for what he was about to do. 

"Hey, Coach? There's something I need to tell you about Kageyama..."

**Author's Note:**

> CC: [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/rabiddogs)  
> Twitter: [Wilbyz](https://twitter.com/wiIbyz)


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